The Emotional Aftertaste of Conversations
Introduction
Conversations sometimes leave behind the same memories as when we’re in a relationship and still with the same person. This may come from a number of factors or from our interpretation of those factors. Some people, for instance, are able to pick up on the tone and cadence of someone else’s voice when they are talking; they understand how they felt after speaking with them. Others may perceive someone’s comment as sarcastic in nature and then think about it repeatedly throughout the day. That experience is essentially creating what I would call “emotional aftertaste” from that conversation. This emotional aftertaste is that small part of the experience that continues to linger long after our initial conversation has concluded — this is the “emotional residue” from that conversation.
How tone will often provide us with a greater long-lasting effect than the words we hear.
We quickly forget what was said in a conversation after many of the words are gone, however, the tone in which we received those words does stay with us for quite a while. Each time we hear a gentle voice, a cutting voice, or a hurried response, we tend to form our understanding of what was said through those added dimensions provided by the tone. The reason a person’s tone affects us so heavily is that it connects with our true emotional makeup rather than being based on our intellect. There are many times when a very simple statement or comment by someone may cause us to feel good about it or leave us feeling uneasy or confused for several hours. We may remember the warmth, annoyance, uncertainty, or compassion in the person’s tone long after we’ve forgotten exactly what they said. Thus, any time two people exchange words, regardless of how short the exchange may have been, it can leave a strong emotional impression long after the words themselves are gone. In other words, we will not recall the actual meaning of the words, but we will remember their emotional significance. Thus the tone of a conversation can create an invisible echo that we can often resonate with long after the exchange itself has occurred.
Unresolved Threads: When Our Mind Keeps Replaying the Same Moment
Often we think back on our conversations over time. It’s the same things that keep coming back to us again and again. A word that caught our attention but didn’t seem to capture our full reaction could be a great example of an unresolved thread. What the word meant was not as important as the reaction from the listener after we had said the word.
Sometimes we think of those things we were going to say, but didn’t, and try to piece our life back together with the many pieces of the conversation and how they connect.
For some people, these unresolved threads become a big part of their daily lives. They are focused on the unresolved nature of the conversation. So they focus on the conversation in the same way a person would try to put together a puzzle after the pieces have been scattered. The concept of unresolved thoughts or feelings from conversations is not unique to you.
The Weight of Expectations: How Our Own Fears and Hopes Color the Aftertaste
The context, or expectation, of a conversation often determines our experience of it — in addition to being present in our emotions, our hopes, and our fears. Before we even begin to interpret what another person is saying, we are already filtering their words through the lens of such emotional ‘baggage’. Simply put, a neutral comment can sound critical to us if we are insecure about ourselves. Conversely, the meaning of a compliment may mean so much more to us if we are seeking reassurance from that person or about a specific area of our life. All of this color and emotion creates an experience that often leaves us with a heavy emotional aftertaste — often times because of the hope or fear that we associate with the type of experience that we would have liked, from our conversations. Consequently, the high expectations of a conversation often act as filters, which combine with our individual interpretations of what we believe to have been said, resulting in an emotional mix that remains with us long after the actual exchange.
The Energy Transfers From another Person’s Mood to Yours. All our interactions are actually subtle exchanges of Emotional Energy between People. While we may not consciously think about it, when a person is anxious, angry, or excited, there is a transfer of some of that Emotional State to us during a conversation.
Energy Transfers: How Someone Else’s Mood Quietly Becomes Ours
The Emotional Transfer from one Person’s Mood to Ours can remain with us long after the conversation has ended. In particular, if we have had a Tense Conversation with somebody we are likely to feel Tense for a few hours after that conversation, whereas if we have had a Warm Conversation we may feel Happier than Usual due to an Unexpected Mood Boost. What lingers is more than just the content of the conversation; it is also the Emotional Environment that the other Person brought into the conversation. Conversations become Emotional Environments and we, more often than not, walk away carrying the “Weather” of the Other Person’s Inner World and aren’t even aware of it.
Conclusion
Ultimately, every single conversational experience will have left (or created) an emotional mark upon us — whether positively comforting or negatively unpleasant (or both). These afterthoughts serve as reminders of how much our internal existence as a human being is impacted by our connection with other human beings. Through acknowledging such experiences, we can gain further self-awareness with regard to our needs as individuals and with respect to the manner in which we interact with other people on an emotional level (as well as on a subconscious level). Ultimately, we will have to begin to actively consider the type of emotional footprint that we leave with others when engaging in a conversation with them.
