The People We Trust Instinctively Without Logic

Signals of Trust

Before we ever talk to someone we trust, there are many signals that tell us that person can keep us safe. These signals are usually subtle, and we often respond to them subconsciously, but they are just as real as any words. An example of a safe person is someone who has a relaxed posture, speaks with a warm tone, makes good eye contact, and listens intently without feeling the need to rush through our comments. Most people develop trust in others based upon how safe they feel with these types of signals being present. For many, the comfort we get from being around safe people is not a result of anything they say; rather, it is from the energy they bring into the room with them. Others bring with them such a sense of ease that we instinctively lower our defenses, regardless of whether we have any facts to support that feeling of safety or not. Our bodies collect signals of familiarity, and, ultimately, a feeling of safety before any mental processing occurs. Trust can be built from small, often imperceptible signs, and can be achieved before either party has had the opportunity to use their words to develop trust.

The Illusion of Acquaintance: Understanding why Some New Comers Seem as Familiar

There are times when we come across a new face and have the immediate feeling that we have known them for an eternity. It isn’t sorcery; this feeling is derived from familiarity through instinctual conditioning. These individuals possess certain features or characteristics that remind us of someone that we cared for or trusted, or with whom we shared a feeling of security. This can manifest itself in the way that they talk, their funny but gentle mannerisms, or simply the peace of mind that they convey while interacting with others. Our brains perceive that familiarity through micro-similarities and inform us with the words, “This rings a bell.” As a result of that feeling of familiarity, we develop an immediate emotional connection which leads to feelings of comfort and trust. Timing can also be important to establishing a connection with someone because you may meet them at a time in your life when you were open to having relationships, longing for connection with others, or simply of being “off guard”. Therefore when meeting someone who somewhat feels “like home” in their behaviour or disposition, this may be because they trigger some memory, emotion, or warmth that you have previously experienced, even if it is not at the forefront of your mind consciously.

The Emotional Chemistry We Can’t Explain

Some connections don’t follow any rules; they simply come together. Emotional chemistry is a unique bond between two people where understanding one another happens without any conscious effort. Many people are attracted to the energy of an emotional chemistry connection through things like easy conversations, understanding when they are together without words, and having comfortable moments of interplay that are not filled with pressure or anxiety. Many times, people feel emotional chemistry prior to realizing that they have it in their conscious mind. They pull from their intuition, previous personal experiences, and emotional patterns that have all developed and blended over time into an instinctive feeling of safety with their partner. Many times, emotional chemistry is formed between two people due to a shared value system or sentimental emotional frequency, even though they may not have yet clearly articulated these feelings. They feel effortless because both people in the partnership have a willingness to be emotionally open in a way that feels “natural” to one another. Thus, even though there may be no logical explanation for why one person feels emotional chemistry towards another and not vice versa, the two people have established an emotional resonance that will lead to an outpouring of trust toward one another.

When Instinctive Trust Leads Us Right (and Sometimes Wrong)

Sometimes, we misjudge the authenticity of a signal. The reason being there is a strong need or desire to see warmth in another person, when instead the appearance of warmth in some cases can merely be a cosmetic display of charm. Thus learning to balance instinct with conscious observation is how we will maintain ourselves while remaining open. When we gain an understanding of instinct, we will learn how to gain a new appreciation for the positive and beautiful connections instinctive trust produces, while also being able to maintain some degree of protection for our own emotional boundaries, such as knowing when someone is unsafe, unreliable, or untrustworthy.

Conclusion

Long before we come to understand the reason we are safe around certain individuals, there is an inexplicable connection one feels between two people. People generally have a very good intuitive sense of when someone is genuine, warm, and comfortable with them, and our initial instincts usually lead us to that conclusion much more quickly than our brains process it. We can learn to trust those initial signals if we remain aware of them, and then progress through our relationships in such a manner that we can create the most positive impact in our future relationships. No one relationship construct is perfect; however, many of our initial instinctive feelings about others can ultimately guide us to our ideal places. In addition, the feeling of your heart may often lead you to understand that which was unknown until that moment.