The Silent Negotiations We Do With Ourselves

To Achieve Calm Within Ourselves, We Make Various Deals with Ourselves

In many cases, we find ourselves making small quiet agreements with ourselves to allow ourselves to achieve an inner calmness. Sometimes those agreements include allowing us rest when we actually intend to be busy; other times, they are convincing us that right now, we don’t really want to deal with the anxiety of it. While there may not be a lot of sense behind the agreements, they do give us a way to deal with the burden of emotion that we carry within ourselves. We negotiate with our thoughts, saying to ourselves, “Just this once,” or “I will do this again tomorrow,” because feeling peaceful is more important than being perfect. Conversely, while these is a great deal of comfort in our agreeing with ourselves; they are also used as an excuse to hinder growth if we are not cautious. However, they also provide us with a gentle truth: simply surviving the noise within us. These silent agreements allow us to move forward, one gentle compromising step at a time.

Achieving Balance Between Our Present State and The People We Would Like to Be

As humans, we walk a fine line everyday between who we are today and who we desire to become. Growth does not happen in large, dramatic leaps; rather it is constant negotiation; between our comfort zones and moving forward. We also remind ourselves of the value of taking small steps towards our overall goal of growing into a better version of ourselves, to be who we would like to be, and being a work in progress continues to hold merit no matter how far or close we are. At times, we may push harder; other times we allow ourselves the grace to have patience. These compromises provide us ongoing assurance that change will take time and energy on our behalf emotionally. And, we will continue to adjust our speed, forgive ourselves when we falter, and continue on the journey of becoming a person that we are aligned with. The ongoing negotiation process is very human in nature, because it combines the desire to grow and achieve with nurturing the compassionate aspect of ourselves. During this interim, between your current self and who you want to be, is where learning occurs, when you are understanding the importance of honouring the journey and not rushing to get to the destination. Achieving a level of balance is also a type of growth.

We Know Some Private Truths That We Just Aren’t Ready To Face (At The Moment)

We are aware of some truths, but we are not prepared to face. The things we are currently avoiding and have ignored will impact our choices. These emotions are usually self-preserving, that is, we are ignoring the uncomfortable or harmful reality until we have time to be stable, courageous, or clearer. There are private truths that will quietly stay with us until we are able to deal with them. As long as we ignore them, they will influence our choices in small ways; for example, they will lead to uncomfortable feelings, intuition and/or ongoing thoughts. At some point, we will be prepared to acknowledge the truth as it is and we will finally be able to accept what we have neglected or put off. The private truths in our lives are waiting for us.

The Promises We Give Ourselves to Keep our Hearts Safe from Harm

The deepest negotiations we have with ourselves when it comes to our emotions involve our fear of being hurt. Our tendency to create shields around our emotions is largely based on our belief that if we lower our expectations or do not allow ourselves to get too attached, we will not be as vulnerable to being hurt; however, these shields are not weak responses to our emotions; instead they are a method for protecting ourselves. We negotiate between the risk we will take (in order to love) and the loss we expect (when we invest in a person or a relationship) by preparing ourselves mentally for the worst case scenario (although the worst case scenario may never happen).

On the one hand, by shielding ourselves from unnecessary pain (and hurt), we may find ourselves holding back some of the greatest joys of life; however, on the other hand, there will be moments we decide not to shield ourselves and will experience the greatest love, joy and fullness of life. When we are able to recognize which shield of protection we are using, we will learn the true meaning of love, safety and belonging. It is through these quiet negotiations that we begin to understand our deepest selves; thus, it is through love, safety and belonging that we have the ability to find true happiness.

Conclusion

All of our life experiences result from more than just our explicit decisions; they are also created by the continual internal dialogue we have. Through these internal discussions, we learn about our fears, values, and what we are capable of and will ultimately accept. The more we engage in these internal discussions, the less we will focus on compromising with others; rather, we are becoming more understanding. This understanding allows us to grow into a person who makes decisions from a place of clarity rather than a place of conflict.